Contemplation

I really need to get to work, but I am spending my time journaling instead. I am sure I will pay the price for this later this afternoon, but my mind is working in a million different directions right now and so I guess it is best to continue to contemplate and document.


Do you ever sit back and really observe who you are as a person? Try to put yourself in someone else's shoes and really listen to how you talk, act, what you discuss, etc.? I have been forcing myself to do that a lot lately so I can better understand the perception that others may have of me, and this has been quite self revealing. I enjoy to be in the spotlight. I definitely like to make people around me laugh and enjoy their day.. and most importantly, I really am a caring and sincere person. That sincerely leads me to be hurt often. As I expect the world around me to be equally as sincere and genuine, but unfortunately as I had hoped, it is not.

I have also realized that I am an extremely emotional and sensitive person. While this may be my biggest strength, it quite possibly is also the worst facet of my personality. If I was able to tune things out or disregard and ignore my emotions from time to time, I would most likely not as affected as I so regularly am. While I realize all this, I wouldn't change who I am for anything - I think that this "emotional wear my heart on my sleeve trait" that I possess is my defining characteristic. It allows me to connect with people on several different levels versus the all too often seen surface level that most of our friendships consists of.

I still think I can be a better person - more apt to being in tune with myself so that I can gauge my reaction or responses prior to me ending up feeling a way I don't necessarily want to feel. I am working on it.. I mostly think I am in an about to turn 30 crises in which I am trying to figure out if I am where I want to be on my personal, emotional, and professional journey through life..